Seized by Christ

They are experiencing Christianity as joy and hope, having thus become lovers of Christ.

Tag: parish life

  • From Donuts to Discipleship: Where My Men’s Group Fits In

    Every Friday at 5:30 in the morning, I gather with several dozen men for That Man is You. It’s not glamorous—we stumble in half-awake, grab coffee and a donut, swap a few jokes, and slowly warm up.

    By 6:00 AM, we’re watching a video on faith, culture, or manhood. Afterward, we break into smaller groups to talk about it—sometimes about the content, sometimes about what’s weighing on our lives. A deacon moderates, keeping us centered on prayer and truth. By 7:00 AM, we’re out the door and off to work.

    On paper, that’s one hour a week. But in reality, it’s much more: it’s an anchor of brotherhood in my week.

    Where It Fits in the “Layered Parish” Model

    I’ve been working on a way to think about relationships in parish life, something I call the Layered Model of Community:

    • Core Sphere (2–5 people): Deep friendship, accountability, prayer partners.
    • Support Sphere (10–15 people): Steady brotherhood and shared life.
    • Community Sphere (50+ people): Wider fellowship—banquets, service projects, parish socials.
    • Mission Sphere (150–500+): The parish or diocese gathered in worship and witness.

    So where does That Man is You land?

    👉 Support Sphere.
    It’s a classic example: small groups of 10–12 men, weekly rhythm, spiritual content, moderated discussion. More than banter, but not intimate enough for every man to share his deepest struggles.

    How It Could Go Deeper

    What makes the Support Sphere strong is that it feeds men consistently. But transformation happens when the Core Sphere grows inside it.

    That could look like:

    • Two or three guys from the group grabbing coffee mid-week.
    • Starting a prayer partnership with one or two men.
    • Checking in outside the meeting—life, struggles, victories.

    In other words: using the Support Sphere as fertile ground for the Core Sphere to take root.

    The Bigger Picture

    That Man is You also stretches upward:

    • As a program, it’s a Community Sphere, connecting dozens of men at the parish level.
    • And it plugs into the Mission Sphere, part of a nationwide movement helping men step up in faith.

    But it’s in those smaller connections—finding your two or three brothers—that the deepest growth happens.

    Because as good as coffee, donuts, and teaching videos are, every man ultimately needs a band of brothers who know him by name and walk with him through life.

    Developed with assistance from ChatGPT-5

  • A Framework for Layered Relationships in Parish Life

    Most people want deeper community, but they’re already stretched thin. That’s why so many parish groups stall: they ask for more time without offering more meaning. The key is layering relationships so that each level has a purpose, fits modern life, and feeds the others.

    Here’s a practical model that any parish can adopt.

    1. Core Sphere (2–5 people)

    Purpose: Deep accountability, spiritual friendship, honest talk.
    Time: 30–60 minutes weekly.
    Content: Confide struggles, pray for one another, encourage growth.
    Example: Two men who meet for prayer once a week, or a group of 3–5 who connect after a parish project to check in about life and faith.

    👉 This is where the real transformation happens. Think of it as spiritual oxygen—you can’t live without it.

    2. Support Sphere (10–15 people)

    Purpose: A steady circle of brothers (or sisters) who share life together.
    Time: 1–2 hours monthly.
    Content: Shared meals, faith discussions, service projects, study, or retreats.
    Example: A small parish fraternity, or a sub-group of men who choose to meet outside of regular meetings.

    👉 This group makes sure no one drifts off alone.

    3. Community Sphere (50+ people)

    Purpose: Broader fellowship and a sense of shared mission.
    Time: A few hours per month, often tied to service or parish-wide gatherings.
    Content: Banquets, festivals, fish fries, service drives, seasonal events.
    Example: The men’s group, the Knights council, or a parish ministry cluster.

    👉 This is the visible life of the parish—but without Spheres 1 & 2, it risks staying shallow.

    4. Mission Sphere (150–500+)

    Purpose: The whole parish or diocese united in worship and mission.
    Time: Weekly Mass, feast days, diocesan events.
    Content: Preaching, sacraments, communal witness.
    Example: The parish gathered at Sunday liturgy, or the wider diocese.

    👉 This is where faith becomes public—but it must be fed by the smaller circles above.

    Why This Works

    • Realistic: Nobody can give 30 minutes a week to 150 people. But they can give 30–60 minutes to a handful, and a few hours to others on rotation.
    • Scalable: The parish doesn’t need to invent new structures—it just needs to layer what already exists.
    • Purpose-driven: Each sphere has a clear reason to exist, not just “another meeting.”

    Practical Action Plan

    • Start with Core Spheres
      • Encourage prayer partnerships or triads.
      • Make it normal for men to check in about life—not just tasks.
    • Form Support Spheres
      • Identify natural clusters (5–10 who already get along).
      • Invite them to gather monthly for a meal + prayer or reflection.
    • Strengthen the Community Sphere
      • Keep projects and banquets, but tie them back to smaller groups.
      • Example: after a service project, small teams pray or debrief together.
    • Integrate with the Mission Sphere
      • Root everything in the Eucharist and parish mission.
      • Celebrate parish-wide what the smaller groups are doing, so it all feels connected.

    ✨ In other words:

    • Mission Sphere = parish identity.
    • Community Sphere = belonging.
    • Support Sphere = brotherhood.
    • Core Sphere = deep friendship.

    Each level feeds the next. Together, they make “walking with every man” not only possible—but natural.

    Developed with assistance from ChatGPT-5

  • New Dunbar:

    Rethinking Relationships in Modern Life

    Dunbar’s Number—the idea that humans can sustain about 150 meaningful relationships—has often been cited as a kind of upper limit of social capacity. But there’s a catch: Dunbar’s research comes largely from survival contexts. Soldiers, tribes, or explorers under hazardous conditions can sustain that many bonds because their very lives depend on it.

    That raises a question: is it even realistic to apply the same model to our own prosperous and distracted society, where survival doesn’t force us into deep dependence on one another?

    The Reality of Time in Modern Life

    Families today often struggle to carve out even thirty minutes of true connection per week per person. Careers, commutes, and constant media distractions consume most of our energy. Unlike survival situations, there is no “hazardous condition” compelling us to give that time to each other.

    Instead, research suggests that most people sustain relationships in smaller tiers:

    • ~5 intimate relationships (spouse, kids, best friend)
    • ~15 close friends (trusted, dependable)
    • ~50 casual friends (social, supportive but not deeply involved)
    • ~150 acquaintances (faces you recognize, people you greet, maybe occasional interaction)

    The idea of giving thirty minutes a week to 150 people simply does not fit modern life.

    What Purpose Is Strong Enough?

    If survival is not the binding force, what kind of purpose can motivate us to invest deeply in others? A few possibilities stand out:

    • Shared mission: groups that see themselves on a spiritual journey together, not just social clubs.
    • Shared suffering: support networks for addiction, illness, grief, or persecution.
    • Shared growth: intentional groups that pursue holiness, spiritual discipline, or formation.

    Without this sense of necessity, relationships often default to shallow banter, logistics, or distractions.

    A Practical Adaptation: The MicroSphere

    If thirty minutes per week per person is unrealistic, perhaps the MicroSphere model can be reframed for modern life:

    • Core MicroSphere: 3–5 people with whom you share weekly conversation, prayer, or accountability. (This might be two hours together, but it touches everyone deeply.)
    • Support Sphere: 10–15 people you connect with at least monthly, sharing faith and encouragement.
    • Outer Sphere: 50–150 acquaintances you know, pray for, and occasionally interact with.

    This layered approach makes room for reality: we cannot invest equally in everyone. But we also cannot reduce community to casual surface contact.

    Why This Matters for the Church

    If we want the Church to be more than Sunday attendance, we need these MicroSpheres of intentional connection. Banter and shared projects may keep us loosely tied, but true growth happens when men and women share purpose, open up about meaning, and walk with one another in faith.

    Dunbar’s insights remain helpful—but only if we adapt them. Our challenge today is not survival, but mission. And that requires building communities strong enough to resist isolation, and deep enough to carry us together toward Christ.

    Developed with assistance from ChatGPT-5

  • Microspheres: Small Connections, Big Renewal

    My hope for the Church is bold: that by 2030, our dioceses might be four times stronger than today — with one priest for every 100 men, and with lay people fully alive in their faith.

    The problem is not the Magisterium, the hierarchy, or the teaching of the Church. Those remain sound. The gap lies between clergy and laity. Parishes today may have thousands of members, but without networks of meaningful relationships, they risk functioning more like crowds than like communities.

    Most Catholics, if we are honest, seem to live their faith as “an hour on Sunday” — separate for a short time from the world, then blending back in. If you judge a tree by its fruit, the reality is sobering: many Catholics do not realize the treasure God has entrusted to them. They are standing on a gold mine but act as though it were yellow plastic.

    Meanwhile, modern life pulls people further away from real human connection. Even in their own homes, people often interact more with screens than with one another.

    The Power of Microspheres

    A “microsphere” is not just a small group. It is the measure of time we personally invest in others.

    I believe a parish’s vitality depends on each member having microsphere relationships — about 30 minutes per week per person.

    For example, in a group of 5 people, if you spend about 2 hours together, that works out to 30 minutes of meaningful connection with each person. That’s enough to create familiarity, trust, and support.

    How many such relationships are needed? That’s not yet clear. Perhaps 5, maybe 10, perhaps even 20. The exact number isn’t as important as the principle: when people share life in this way, the parish begins to shift from being a crowd into being a true community.

    Learning from History

    When Europe was overrun by invasions a thousand years ago, it was not large institutions that preserved civilization and faith — it was small communities, brotherhoods, and monasteries. They created pockets of strength, culture, and prayer that carried the Church through chaos.

    Today, we face new invasions: secularism, relativism, distraction, and disconnection. To survive and renew, the Church needs microspheres again.

    This is not a task the institutional Church can accomplish from the top down. It must arise from the bottom up — from Catholics who commit to building real, human, Christ-centered connections.

    If we can do this, the Church will not only endure but flourish.

    Edited with assistance from ChatGPT-5