Seized by Christ

They are experiencing Christianity as joy and hope, having thus become lovers of Christ.

Tag: life

  • Microsphere Relationships:

    Where Real Belonging Begins

    A number of years ago, I came across an article called the “monkey sphere,” which was built on Robin Dunbar’s research into human social networks. Dunbar suggested that the size of our neocortex places a natural limit on how many people we can truly know and relate to. For humans, he estimated the number is around 150 people — what’s often called Dunbar’s Number.

    But there’s a catch: to sustain that many relationships, you’d need to dedicate around 40% of your weekly time (about 67 hours) to them. That works out to roughly 30 minutes per person, per week.

    This struck me:

    • The people in our microsphere — the ones we average 30 minutes a week with — are those we trust, learn from, and share life with. These are mentoring, collegial, or teamwork relationships where we actually need to learn how to get along.
    • The macrosphere is made up of the many others we know, but more distantly — acquaintances, useful contacts, neighbors.
    • At the center are our nucleus relationships — the people who need at least 30 minutes of our time daily. These include family, closest friends, and of course, God.
    • Being famous is when more people know you than you know them.
    • Being a fan is knowing someone who doesn’t know or care about you. 
    • Being a teacher / instructor / influencer implies the information is flowing out with little or no feedback. 

    It makes me wonder:

    • How many microsphere relationships do we actually sustain today — with family, extended family, coworkers, fellow parishioners, or in hobbies?
    • How many are necessary to feel truly at home in a parish — 5, 10, 20?

    We live in a world where loneliness is widespread, and many people are drowning in macrosphere connections (social media followers, casual contacts) but starving for microsphere ones. We let busyness and distraction push aside the very relationships that would make us feel grounded, known, and supported.

    👉 Reflection Question for Readers:
    What is one microsphere relationship in your life right now that needs more of your attention?

    Edited with assistance from ChatGPT-5

  • The Best Version of Yourself—or Something Greater?

    I first heard the phrase “the best version of yourself” on a business trip to Singapore. Later I heard Matthew Kelly use it, and I wondered—who said it first? Did he pick it up somewhere, or did others pick it up from him?

    Either way, whenever I hear it, I start asking questions. How many versions of myself are there supposed to be? It almost sounds like we’re meant to carry around a closet of personalities. “Today I’ll be Mr. Jekyll. Tomorrow I’ll be the thief. On Sunday I’ll put on my Christian self.” If that’s the case, then which one is the authentic self? And if I have to choose my “best” version, what does that say about all the rest?

    Maybe I’m on version 2.8 of my “best self” today—but what about 2.9, or 3.0? What if the best I can muster still isn’t very good? Do I just keep patching and upgrading like faulty software? Or will people ask, “Is that really your best version, or are you holding something back?”

    The more I hear this phrase, the more I think it misses the point. It makes “the best version of yourself” sound like something you accomplish on your own. But the truth is different: the best version of me is nothing compared to letting Christ live through me.

    And strangely enough, the more I put others first, the more “myself” I become. When I serve, I am surrounded by love and goodwill that multiplies my life far beyond what I could build alone. My “best version” is not about polishing up a private identity—it’s about creating the best version of my service, the best version of my vocation.

    So maybe the question isn’t, What’s the best version of yourself? but Who lives in you? Who do you belong to? Because if it’s just me, the best I can do is never enough. But if it’s Christ—then there is no limit.

    Epilogue: Where Did the Phrase Come From?

    The phrase “the best version of yourself” has become popular in motivational and self-help circles, but it has been especially tied to the work of Matthew Kelly, the Catholic author and speaker. Kelly made it a central theme in his books and talks, and for many people, the phrase is now inseparable from his message of spiritual renewal.

    That said, the idea itself isn’t unique to him. The broader self-improvement world has long promoted similar concepts about unlocking your potential, achieving your highest goals, or striving to become your “best self.”

    But here is the caution: when this phrase is left vague or purely self-focused, it can become just another slogan. It risks making people restless, always chasing after some imagined “best” that never arrives.

    Which brings us back to the Christian answer. The “best version” of you is not something you design or manufacture—it is what happens when Christ lives in you. Left to ourselves, we are always chasing. With Him, we are finally becoming.

    Developed with assistance from ChatGPT-5

  • The Myth of Safe Suffering

    Why true growth requires discomfort — and what we lose when we try to protect everyone from pain

    We live in a world that tries to protect us from almost everything:
    Pain, failure, discomfort, disappointment.

    Modern life is full of safety nets, trigger warnings, and gentle landings.
    But here’s the hard truth:

    Growth doesn’t happen in comfort.
    It happens in discomfort.

    And when we try to make all suffering safe, controlled, and optional…
     

    We lose something vital.

    What Is “Safe Suffering”?

    It’s the idea that we can go through hard things — without ever being truly uncomfortable.

    We talk about:

    • “Failing safely”
    • “Taking calculated risks”
    • “Controlled challenges”

    And sometimes, yes — those things are smart and necessary.

    But not all growth can be managed in a spreadsheet.

    The Truth: Growth Hurts Sometimes

    Think about these moments:

    • Learning you didn’t get the job
    • Facing a breakup
    • Hearing hard feedback
    • Hitting a wall in your career or life

    Those moments are painful. They’re also the exact moments where something deeper can happen.

    In the pain, you ask better questions.
    In the discomfort, you shift direction.
    In the struggle, you find strength.

    This is true in almost every story of personal transformation — including your own.

    Why Modern Life Tries to Erase Suffering

    There’s good intention behind it:

    • We want to protect mental health.
    • We want to be inclusive.
    • We want people to feel safe.

    But the shadow side of this comfort-first mindset is this:

    We start to believe that pain itself is a problem, that all suffering should be avoided, not endured.

    And that mindset can quietly weaken resilience — especially in younger generations.

    What We Lose When We Avoid Discomfort

    When we make everything “safe,” we often remove the very things that shape character:

    • Risk teaches courage
    • Failure teaches humility
    • Loss teaches gratitude
    • Pain teaches focus
    • Discomfort teaches adaptation

    Without these lessons, people drift.
    They stay stuck.
    They lose their spark.

    And worst of all, they never know what they’re made of.

    Real Love Doesn’t Always Protect — It Prepares

    If we really care about people, we can’t just shield them from pain.

    We have to:

    • Help them face it
    • Walk with them through it
    • Teach them how to grow from it

    The goal is not to remove all struggle. The goal is to build the kind of person who can handle it.

    Discomfort Isn’t Dangerous — It’s Sacred

    We need to stop treating discomfort like a disease.

    Sometimes it’s a signal.
    Sometimes it’s a gift.
    Sometimes, it’s the beginning of real change.

    Let’s not rob people of their story by trying to keep everything soft and safe.

    Because often, the most important chapter starts with this sentence:

    “That was the moment everything got hard —
    and everything started to change.”

    Created with assistance from ChatGPT