Seized by Christ

They are experiencing Christianity as joy and hope, having thus become lovers of Christ.

Category: Parish Renewal and Community Formation

A vision for rebuilding parish life through subsidiarity, hospitality, and small group discipleship.

  • Quiet Heart, Loud Faith: Three Sparks to Renew the Church

    Quiet Heart, Loud Faith: Three Sparks to Renew the Church

    Faith in the Noise

    World spins fast—tech, truth, opinions shift.

    Noise everywhere. Easy to lose what matters.

    • Church mission? Never needed calm.
    • Starts with faith—deep in the heart.

    Silence often anchors quietly.

    One breath of quiet = your next spark?

    Depth Over Activity

    Church today? Not more programs. Not louder voices.

    Needs depth—people who pray, meet God in silence.

    • Live the Gospel first.
    • Faith isn’t meetings or debates.
    • Comes from grace—God loved us first, fully.

    Let love move you daily.

    One quiet moment = instant recharge.

    Renewal & Shine

    Remember that love? Faith becomes a lens.

    See God in work, people, hidden places.

    • Church renews through awakened hearts—not new plans.
    • Christ: “Take courage; I overcame.”
    • Hope in Him, not results.

    Restless world? Still radiant.

    You’re the light—ready to glow?

  • From Donuts to Discipleship: Where My Men’s Group Fits In

    Every Friday at 5:30 in the morning, I gather with several dozen men for That Man is You. It’s not glamorous—we stumble in half-awake, grab coffee and a donut, swap a few jokes, and slowly warm up.

    By 6:00 AM, we’re watching a video on faith, culture, or manhood. Afterward, we break into smaller groups to talk about it—sometimes about the content, sometimes about what’s weighing on our lives. A deacon moderates, keeping us centered on prayer and truth. By 7:00 AM, we’re out the door and off to work.

    On paper, that’s one hour a week. But in reality, it’s much more: it’s an anchor of brotherhood in my week.

    Where It Fits in the “Layered Parish” Model

    I’ve been working on a way to think about relationships in parish life, something I call the Layered Model of Community:

    • Core Sphere (2–5 people): Deep friendship, accountability, prayer partners.
    • Support Sphere (10–15 people): Steady brotherhood and shared life.
    • Community Sphere (50+ people): Wider fellowship—banquets, service projects, parish socials.
    • Mission Sphere (150–500+): The parish or diocese gathered in worship and witness.

    So where does That Man is You land?

    👉 Support Sphere.
    It’s a classic example: small groups of 10–12 men, weekly rhythm, spiritual content, moderated discussion. More than banter, but not intimate enough for every man to share his deepest struggles.

    How It Could Go Deeper

    What makes the Support Sphere strong is that it feeds men consistently. But transformation happens when the Core Sphere grows inside it.

    That could look like:

    • Two or three guys from the group grabbing coffee mid-week.
    • Starting a prayer partnership with one or two men.
    • Checking in outside the meeting—life, struggles, victories.

    In other words: using the Support Sphere as fertile ground for the Core Sphere to take root.

    The Bigger Picture

    That Man is You also stretches upward:

    • As a program, it’s a Community Sphere, connecting dozens of men at the parish level.
    • And it plugs into the Mission Sphere, part of a nationwide movement helping men step up in faith.

    But it’s in those smaller connections—finding your two or three brothers—that the deepest growth happens.

    Because as good as coffee, donuts, and teaching videos are, every man ultimately needs a band of brothers who know him by name and walk with him through life.

    Developed with assistance from ChatGPT-5

  • A Framework for Layered Relationships in Parish Life

    Most people want deeper community, but they’re already stretched thin. That’s why so many parish groups stall: they ask for more time without offering more meaning. The key is layering relationships so that each level has a purpose, fits modern life, and feeds the others.

    Here’s a practical model that any parish can adopt.

    1. Core Sphere (2–5 people)

    Purpose: Deep accountability, spiritual friendship, honest talk.
    Time: 30–60 minutes weekly.
    Content: Confide struggles, pray for one another, encourage growth.
    Example: Two men who meet for prayer once a week, or a group of 3–5 who connect after a parish project to check in about life and faith.

    👉 This is where the real transformation happens. Think of it as spiritual oxygen—you can’t live without it.

    2. Support Sphere (10–15 people)

    Purpose: A steady circle of brothers (or sisters) who share life together.
    Time: 1–2 hours monthly.
    Content: Shared meals, faith discussions, service projects, study, or retreats.
    Example: A small parish fraternity, or a sub-group of men who choose to meet outside of regular meetings.

    👉 This group makes sure no one drifts off alone.

    3. Community Sphere (50+ people)

    Purpose: Broader fellowship and a sense of shared mission.
    Time: A few hours per month, often tied to service or parish-wide gatherings.
    Content: Banquets, festivals, fish fries, service drives, seasonal events.
    Example: The men’s group, the Knights council, or a parish ministry cluster.

    👉 This is the visible life of the parish—but without Spheres 1 & 2, it risks staying shallow.

    4. Mission Sphere (150–500+)

    Purpose: The whole parish or diocese united in worship and mission.
    Time: Weekly Mass, feast days, diocesan events.
    Content: Preaching, sacraments, communal witness.
    Example: The parish gathered at Sunday liturgy, or the wider diocese.

    👉 This is where faith becomes public—but it must be fed by the smaller circles above.

    Why This Works

    • Realistic: Nobody can give 30 minutes a week to 150 people. But they can give 30–60 minutes to a handful, and a few hours to others on rotation.
    • Scalable: The parish doesn’t need to invent new structures—it just needs to layer what already exists.
    • Purpose-driven: Each sphere has a clear reason to exist, not just “another meeting.”

    Practical Action Plan

    • Start with Core Spheres
      • Encourage prayer partnerships or triads.
      • Make it normal for men to check in about life—not just tasks.
    • Form Support Spheres
      • Identify natural clusters (5–10 who already get along).
      • Invite them to gather monthly for a meal + prayer or reflection.
    • Strengthen the Community Sphere
      • Keep projects and banquets, but tie them back to smaller groups.
      • Example: after a service project, small teams pray or debrief together.
    • Integrate with the Mission Sphere
      • Root everything in the Eucharist and parish mission.
      • Celebrate parish-wide what the smaller groups are doing, so it all feels connected.

    ✨ In other words:

    • Mission Sphere = parish identity.
    • Community Sphere = belonging.
    • Support Sphere = brotherhood.
    • Core Sphere = deep friendship.

    Each level feeds the next. Together, they make “walking with every man” not only possible—but natural.

    Developed with assistance from ChatGPT-5

  • New Dunbar:

    Rethinking Relationships in Modern Life

    Dunbar’s Number—the idea that humans can sustain about 150 meaningful relationships—has often been cited as a kind of upper limit of social capacity. But there’s a catch: Dunbar’s research comes largely from survival contexts. Soldiers, tribes, or explorers under hazardous conditions can sustain that many bonds because their very lives depend on it.

    That raises a question: is it even realistic to apply the same model to our own prosperous and distracted society, where survival doesn’t force us into deep dependence on one another?

    The Reality of Time in Modern Life

    Families today often struggle to carve out even thirty minutes of true connection per week per person. Careers, commutes, and constant media distractions consume most of our energy. Unlike survival situations, there is no “hazardous condition” compelling us to give that time to each other.

    Instead, research suggests that most people sustain relationships in smaller tiers:

    • ~5 intimate relationships (spouse, kids, best friend)
    • ~15 close friends (trusted, dependable)
    • ~50 casual friends (social, supportive but not deeply involved)
    • ~150 acquaintances (faces you recognize, people you greet, maybe occasional interaction)

    The idea of giving thirty minutes a week to 150 people simply does not fit modern life.

    What Purpose Is Strong Enough?

    If survival is not the binding force, what kind of purpose can motivate us to invest deeply in others? A few possibilities stand out:

    • Shared mission: groups that see themselves on a spiritual journey together, not just social clubs.
    • Shared suffering: support networks for addiction, illness, grief, or persecution.
    • Shared growth: intentional groups that pursue holiness, spiritual discipline, or formation.

    Without this sense of necessity, relationships often default to shallow banter, logistics, or distractions.

    A Practical Adaptation: The MicroSphere

    If thirty minutes per week per person is unrealistic, perhaps the MicroSphere model can be reframed for modern life:

    • Core MicroSphere: 3–5 people with whom you share weekly conversation, prayer, or accountability. (This might be two hours together, but it touches everyone deeply.)
    • Support Sphere: 10–15 people you connect with at least monthly, sharing faith and encouragement.
    • Outer Sphere: 50–150 acquaintances you know, pray for, and occasionally interact with.

    This layered approach makes room for reality: we cannot invest equally in everyone. But we also cannot reduce community to casual surface contact.

    Why This Matters for the Church

    If we want the Church to be more than Sunday attendance, we need these MicroSpheres of intentional connection. Banter and shared projects may keep us loosely tied, but true growth happens when men and women share purpose, open up about meaning, and walk with one another in faith.

    Dunbar’s insights remain helpful—but only if we adapt them. Our challenge today is not survival, but mission. And that requires building communities strong enough to resist isolation, and deep enough to carry us together toward Christ.

    Developed with assistance from ChatGPT-5

  • Microspheres: Small Connections, Big Renewal

    My hope for the Church is bold: that by 2030, our dioceses might be four times stronger than today — with one priest for every 100 men, and with lay people fully alive in their faith.

    The problem is not the Magisterium, the hierarchy, or the teaching of the Church. Those remain sound. The gap lies between clergy and laity. Parishes today may have thousands of members, but without networks of meaningful relationships, they risk functioning more like crowds than like communities.

    Most Catholics, if we are honest, seem to live their faith as “an hour on Sunday” — separate for a short time from the world, then blending back in. If you judge a tree by its fruit, the reality is sobering: many Catholics do not realize the treasure God has entrusted to them. They are standing on a gold mine but act as though it were yellow plastic.

    Meanwhile, modern life pulls people further away from real human connection. Even in their own homes, people often interact more with screens than with one another.

    The Power of Microspheres

    A “microsphere” is not just a small group. It is the measure of time we personally invest in others.

    I believe a parish’s vitality depends on each member having microsphere relationships — about 30 minutes per week per person.

    For example, in a group of 5 people, if you spend about 2 hours together, that works out to 30 minutes of meaningful connection with each person. That’s enough to create familiarity, trust, and support.

    How many such relationships are needed? That’s not yet clear. Perhaps 5, maybe 10, perhaps even 20. The exact number isn’t as important as the principle: when people share life in this way, the parish begins to shift from being a crowd into being a true community.

    Learning from History

    When Europe was overrun by invasions a thousand years ago, it was not large institutions that preserved civilization and faith — it was small communities, brotherhoods, and monasteries. They created pockets of strength, culture, and prayer that carried the Church through chaos.

    Today, we face new invasions: secularism, relativism, distraction, and disconnection. To survive and renew, the Church needs microspheres again.

    This is not a task the institutional Church can accomplish from the top down. It must arise from the bottom up — from Catholics who commit to building real, human, Christ-centered connections.

    If we can do this, the Church will not only endure but flourish.

    Edited with assistance from ChatGPT-5

  • Walking with Every Man:

    Toward a Synod on Subsidiarity

    In his first encyclical, Redemptor Hominis, Pope John Paul II made the striking claim that “every man is the way of the Church.” Christ entrusted the Church with the salvation of every person, which means the Church’s mission is always to walk with each man and woman and lead them toward Christ.

    Later, in Gratissimus Sane, John Paul II extended this truth to the family: every family, too, is the way of the Church. The family is the first place where a person’s character and uniqueness are formed, and it becomes the path along which the Church walks with individuals.

    But in the last fifty years, families have been shaken. Divorce has left many children without fathers. Mobility and smaller households have weakened extended family ties. Vocations to the priesthood and religious life within families — once a source of everyday moral and spiritual guidance — have greatly diminished. Today, with one priest often serving 4,000 parishioners, how can the Church realistically hope to walk with every individual, let alone every family?

    Learning from the Military’s Hierarchy

    Years ago, I compared the Catholic Church’s pastoral structure with the military. The military has developed, through centuries of experience, an efficient hierarchy that provides support at every level: no soldier is left without a small team, and every team has a leader to turn to.

    Here’s a simplified comparison:

    MilitaryNumber of PeopleChurch Parallel
    Region / Theater1,000,000+Diocese
    Army Group250,000Deanery Group
    Army60,000–100,000Deanery
    Corps30,000–80,000Sub-deanery
    Division10,000–20,000Parish Group
    Brigade2,000–5,000Parish
    Battalion300–1,000Priest Group
    Company70–250Deacon Group
    Troop25–60Small Community
    Patrol8–12Faith-sharing Group
    Fire Team4Prayer Partners
    Soldier1Parishioner

    The point is not to militarize the Church, but to recognize that the Church could learn from this structure of care. Subsidiarity — the principle that decisions and responsibilities should be handled at the lowest possible level — calls us to build up the Church at the smallest, most personal groups.

    A Call for a Synod on Subsidiarity

    The Church has already held Synods on Youth and on the Family. Perhaps the time has come for a Synod on Subsidiarity — especially on the sub-parish level. Such a synod could explore how the Church can better accompany individuals, families, and small communities, ensuring that no Catholic is left without support.

    Religious orders could play a vital role in this renewal. Catechesis, new models of pastoral care, and creative small-group structures could allow the Church to “walk with every man” as Christ intended.

    Today, there are about 1.16 billion Catholics in a world of 7 billion people — roughly one Catholic for every five people on earth. That ratio is strikingly close to Christ and the twelve apostles. If the Church could rediscover the art of subsidiarity, empowering Catholics at every level to care for one another, then we could truly begin to live out John Paul II’s vision: the Church walking with every man, in love.

    Edited with assistance from ChatGPT-5

  • Why Small Groups Are Essential for Parish Life

    As parish leaders, we often think about programs, Mass attendance, and committees. But the real work of forming disciples doesn’t happen in crowds — it happens in small, intentional circles where people know one another and hold each other accountable.

    Human beings are wired for connection, but only up to a point. Research shows that most of us can maintain about 150 meaningful relationships — and even that requires focused attention. Relationships need time, shared experience, and trust.

    This is why microsphere relationships — those weekly, intentional, small-group connections — are so important in parish life:

    • They cultivate trust and accountability. People grow in faith when they can share struggles and victories with others who care.
    • They encourage retention and engagement. Parishioners who belong to small groups are less likely to drift away and more likely to participate actively.
    • They support spiritual formation. Programs and Masses teach, but it’s in close relationships that people practice faith, pray together, and live it out.

    Contrast this with the “macro” level — large committees, social events, or general gatherings. These are important for information and community awareness, but they rarely produce the depth of connection needed for discipleship.

    As leaders, our task is not just to manage the parish but to create spaces where spiritual growth is natural and relational. Microsphere groups — small sharing, prayer, or accountability circles — are the most effective way to do this. They are the places where faith is tested, strengthened, and lived out.

    Practical Steps for Leaders:

    1. Identify parishioners who could benefit from small groups.
    2. Provide guidance, not micromanagement, so groups form naturally around shared interests or life stages.
    3. Encourage leaders within these groups, offering support and training for facilitation.
    4. Celebrate and highlight the successes of these groups to show the parish the value of deep connection.

    Reflection for Leaders:
     If our parish is to thrive, how can we move beyond surface-level engagement and ensure that every parishioner has a meaningful, accountable, and nurturing connection?

    Written with assistance from ChatGPT-5

  • Microsphere Relationships:

    Where Real Belonging Begins

    A number of years ago, I came across an article called the “monkey sphere,” which was built on Robin Dunbar’s research into human social networks. Dunbar suggested that the size of our neocortex places a natural limit on how many people we can truly know and relate to. For humans, he estimated the number is around 150 people — what’s often called Dunbar’s Number.

    But there’s a catch: to sustain that many relationships, you’d need to dedicate around 40% of your weekly time (about 67 hours) to them. That works out to roughly 30 minutes per person, per week.

    This struck me:

    • The people in our microsphere — the ones we average 30 minutes a week with — are those we trust, learn from, and share life with. These are mentoring, collegial, or teamwork relationships where we actually need to learn how to get along.
    • The macrosphere is made up of the many others we know, but more distantly — acquaintances, useful contacts, neighbors.
    • At the center are our nucleus relationships — the people who need at least 30 minutes of our time daily. These include family, closest friends, and of course, God.
    • Being famous is when more people know you than you know them.
    • Being a fan is knowing someone who doesn’t know or care about you. 
    • Being a teacher / instructor / influencer implies the information is flowing out with little or no feedback. 

    It makes me wonder:

    • How many microsphere relationships do we actually sustain today — with family, extended family, coworkers, fellow parishioners, or in hobbies?
    • How many are necessary to feel truly at home in a parish — 5, 10, 20?

    We live in a world where loneliness is widespread, and many people are drowning in macrosphere connections (social media followers, casual contacts) but starving for microsphere ones. We let busyness and distraction push aside the very relationships that would make us feel grounded, known, and supported.

    👉 Reflection Question for Readers:
    What is one microsphere relationship in your life right now that needs more of your attention?

    Edited with assistance from ChatGPT-5

  • Building a Welcoming Parish: A Call to Action for the Knights

    How Knights of Columbus Can Strengthen Parish Community Through Outreach

    A strong parish is more than just a place of worship—it’s a spiritual home. Yet too often, new parishioners go unnoticed, never truly connecting with the faith community. As Knights of Columbus, we have a unique opportunity to change this by creating a more welcoming and engaged parish environment.

    The Problem: A Disconnected Parish

    Currently, our parish’s welcoming process is limited. Once new members are added to the collection envelope mailing list, there is little follow-up. Even our parish business director rarely sees their faces. Many new parishioners attend Mass but struggle to feel like they truly belong.

    As Knights, we are called to serve. By taking an active role in welcoming others, we can foster a sense of belonging and deepen the faith experience for all.

    A Vision for Parish Connection

    Imagine if every parishioner were part of a small group—similar to our Lenten study groups—but based on neighborhoods. New members would automatically be connected to a group near them, ensuring they find fellowship from the start. As groups grow, they would naturally divide, maintaining strong, personal connections.

    While the Church cannot share personal information without permission, there are still many ways we, as Knights, can integrate new members into the community.

    What We Can Do as Knights

    1. Be More Intentional in Greeting Others

    • Welcome parishioners at the church doors before and after Mass.
    • Engage in conversations at the donuts and coffee area after Mass.
    • Ask, “How long have you been part of the parish?” If they are new, introduce them to others.

    2. Help New Parishioners Connect

    • If someone has been a parishioner for over a year, ask if they’d be willing to help welcome and get to know new members.
    • Gather basic location information (such as neighborhood) to connect parishioners with nearby Catholic neighbors.
    • Encourage active members to invite newcomers into existing groups or ministries.

    3. Introduce New Members to Others

    • If a parishioner has been in the church for less than a year, personally introduce them to several people at the same Mass.
    • Make an effort to engage with them regularly—it takes about eight interactions with the between a person and the new parishioner over several months before he/she feels truly connected.
    • Learn about their work, hobbies, and background to foster genuine relationships.
    • When the time is right, ask if they’d like to meet other parishioners from their neighborhood and help facilitate those introductions.

    Next Steps

    • Identify Knights willing to take an active role in greeting and introducing parishioners.
    • Develop a simple system to track and connect new members to others in their area.
    • Work alongside parish leadership to enhance the overall welcoming strategy.

    Conclusion: A Parish Where Everyone Belongs

    By taking these small but meaningful steps, the Knights of Columbus can be the driving force behind a more connected and engaged parish. Welcoming new members is not just an act of kindness—it is an act of evangelization that strengthens the entire Church. When people feel seen, heard, and valued, they are more likely to deepen their faith and become active members of the community.

    Let’s step forward in our mission as Knights and make our parish a true spiritual home for all.

    Written in collaboration with ChatGPT (OpenAI, 2025).

  • Microspheres Key to Church Renewal

    I am dedicated to helping to promote the Kingdom of God in my parish and in my diocese. My goal is to find a way to promote the faith such that by 2030, the Archdiocese would be 4 times its current size, and have 1 priest for every 100 men.

    Although my view really doesn’t  matter, I see nothing wrong with the Teaching of the Church, the Hierarchy, or the Magesterium. As far as I can see, the shortcoming is in the gap between the priests and the lay people.

    Although a parish may be the size of several brigades, it is as useless as a mob without some structure, network, and relationships.

    Unfortunately, most of the time, it seems that the only thing that separates Catholics from the rest of the world is that 1 hour on Sunday when they actually separate themselves from the rest of the world.

    If you know a tree by the fruit it produces, then you would have to say that most Catholics are unaware of the treasure that God is. They have been given a gold mine, but they act like it’s just yellow plastic.

    These days most people prefer interacting with media, rather than with other human beings, often even in their own families.

    I believe that the “Sense of Community” one has with his church or parish is directly related to the number of microsphere relationships (average of 30 minutes per week per person) he has within that church.

    Would it take a network of 5, 10, or even 20 microsphere relationships experienced as shared lives, shared service, and shared support to create that sense of community? This would create the kind of environment where Catholics could find God and respond to their vocations.

    If we could develop within the Church support groups for everyone, many of the problems that the Church now experiences would disappear.

    It was the communities of brotherhoods that allowed Civilization to survive the invasions of Europe that occurred 1000 years ago. Something of that kind will be required to survive the current assault on our faith.

    I do not believe it is necessarily the Church’s responsibility or even within their capability to bring about this change.

    Tom Neugebauer

    Seized by Christ